Mom honors late daughter at BTS concerts around the world
Abby Elder never got to see her favorite artists, BTS, in concert before she died by suicide at the age of 20.
Now, two years after her death, Elder's presence is felt on BTS's current world tour thanks to her mom, Jamie Elder, and BTS’ global fandom, known as Army.
Abby Elder grew up multi-talented as a ballet dancer, a pianist, and an artist, according to her mom, who said she wasn't aware her daughter was struggling.
"Abby was always hard on herself," Jamie Elder told ABC News. "She was always so determined and full of joy, that I didn't see her pain."
After her death in 2024, Jamie Elder said she tried to find ways to memorialize her daughter.
"I want everybody to know her, to remember her," she said. “She was something special.”
Jamie Elder drew inspiration from her sister, who lost her own daughter to cancer, and at Abby Elder's funeral gave guests blue howlite, a turquoise gemstone that was her daughter's favorite color, to carry to places she never got to visit.
A Facebook page called "Abby's Pebbles" soon followed, giving family and friends a place to share those photos with Jamie Elder.
"I started getting responses from people thanking me for telling the story, and sharing how they'd struggled with their own mental health," she said.
‘Let’s get Abby to BTS concerts’
Prior to her death, Abby Elder was excited for BTS to return from the mandatory military service they completed in their native South Korea from 2022 to 2025, according to Jamie Elder.
"We had a lot of conversations about their distinct personalities and how connected she felt to them, and how connected other people feel to them, because they are so open and so transparent with who they are," she said.
When BTS launched their world tour this year, a friend knew someone attending the group’s Las Vegas concert and offered to hand out pebbles from Abby Elder's funeral as freebies – handmade items like bracelets, stickers, and photo cards that fans give away for free.
"That's where it started. Let's get Abby to BTS concerts," Jamie Elder said.
She posted a video on social media asking if there were any fans who had plans to attend a BTS show and whether she could send them pebbles to hand out.
“We can’t afford to go or else I’d do it myself,” she said in the video.
Jamie Elder told ABC News she soon received a wave of support from Army everywhere and began assembling thousands of freebies, including crocheted butterflies, BTS fan art and pebbles glued to cards that carried a simple request, "Take her with you."
Eventually, Jamie Elder and her three surviving children found discount tickets to a BTS concert in Las Vegas, where they handed out the freebies in person.
Tatyana Montero, a 25-year-old Army based in Canada, was given one of Abby Elder's freebies in Las Vegas. She tells ABC News she didn't see it until a month later.
"It felt as if I was hearing this from a friend," she said. "Here I was crying for someone that I didn't know."
Montero immediately contacted Jamie Elder, sending her photos from the concert to show where Abby Elder had "joined" her that night. She also posted a video urging fans to check their freebies sooner, so they wouldn’t miss a story like Abby’s.
Since that video, thousands of Abby’s Pebbles have made it to BTS shows across the U.S. and Europe, including Paris, London and Brussels and thousands more are on their way, according to Jamie Elder.
BTS and mental health
Around the world, fans of BTS have credited the band for helping with their mental wellbeing.
"This generation of kiddos, and so many Army, struggle with their mental health, and BTS's music and their shenanigans have brought them so much joy and pulled them out of dark places," Jamie Elder said.
Jeannie Chang, a licensed therapist who also runs BTS- and K-drama-themed healing tours in South Korea, says the response makes sense.
"They're sharing the intersectionality of what mental health looks like, which is not black and white," she told ABC News.
Chang says who the members are as people and their willingness to be vulnerable in the public eye -- such as speaking openly about identity, hurt, burnout, and love -- is what makes them relatable. Additionally, their story of working their way up through the K-pop training system and agencies to a super global group has inspired many.
She also points to community itself as a basic need, calling it as essential as food and water. Loneliness and chronic stress take a real toll, she said, which is why a strong fandom can deliver genuine health benefits.
"How you take that break is important to the life you come back to," Chang said.
If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, call or text 988 or chat 988lifeline.org. Free, confidential help is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. You are not on your own.
