Mom says she's a 'solo mom, not a single mom' and here's why
A Idaho mother is sharing her story on how she became a "solo mom" in hopes of empowering other women who are parenting by themselves.
Melody Alderman of Coeur d'Alene is a writer and breast cancer survivor. She wrote a piece for the popular website Scary Mommy titled, "I Never Expected To Be A Single Mom, Let Alone A Solo Mom."
In the story published April 15, Alderman reveals the benefits and challenges of being the sole provider for her son.
"I'm a solo mom, not a single mom," Alderman wrote. "This means there are no weekends off for me. Nobody to step in and help when I'm struggling with discipline, or just need a break because I've had a rough day. I'm truly fortunate to have my mom with us, but it's not the same as having a partner who's equally invested."
Alderman told "Good Morning America" that she met her son's "co-creator" while backpacking through his home country of Ireland 14 years ago. The ended up falling in love, and Alderman soon learned she was pregnant.
"We talked about it, and he said, 'I'm in Ireland, and I don't want to pop in and out every year, so I think it's best that I'm not involved,'" Alderman said.
In her piece, Alderman said that because her child's father chose not to be involved, he earned the title of "coward." Alderman said she heard from some readers who didn't feel it was fair that she used the term "coward."
"It's accurate, based on other things I've seen," Alderman said. "I always speak positively about him. I tell [my son] his dad was funny and smart. That's still his dad ...he's part of my child. He helped me have my favorite person. There's no ill will."
Alderman said she considers herself a solo parent since she doesn't have physical, emotional or financial support from a partner. There are single parents who do have that support, she explained.
"When I'm listing myself in a different category, I don't want single moms to think that I feel [being a solo mom] is harder. It's just different," Alderman said. "I see single moms as my soul sisters."
Alderman said she hadn't seen many resources for solo moms so she created a Facebook group she named, "Moms Solo"--a place where parents like her can share and bond.
Since Scary Mommy published her op-ed, Alderman has received positive messages from women saying her words resonated, she said.
Alderman's advice for parents doing it alone is to find peace within your family unit.
"It's a beautiful thing for a child to have a mom who loves and supports them," she said. "Our family isn't less than anyone else's just because it's the two of us. We're just as strong. There's nothing to feel sorry about."
