Dear 'GMA' Advice Guru: Deborah Rouse-Raines
Dec. 14, 2010 -- Deborah Rouse-Raines from Cincinnati, Ohio, is a finalist in the Dear GMA Advice Guru Contest. Read her response to a viewer-submitted question below!
Question from Dee in Baltimore, ML.: For all of the families that have lost their jobs, lost their homes, probably unemployment checks, and probably more, how can we make it a Happy Holiday for them? This is a time of sharing and love so what are your suggestions to make this a better holiday and to look to a better new year?
Deb's Answer:
The holidays are very stressful but never more so than to families that have lost their jobs. You can make others holiday special by donating time, food, money or clothing. This year the problem is many of the people that donated to the needy in the past, find that they are now the ones in need.
Sadly, we have too many friends in this position. I spoke with some and asked, "What gifts do you most need?" You may be surprised by how they answered.
One thing people in crisis do NOT want is pity. They have so much stress in their own lives, the greatest gift is to be with friends and feel "normal", even for just a few hours. A "Girls Night Out" or "Time in the Man Cave" can do wonders to help them forget their worries.
The ultimate goal is a job, so networking can be the best gift of all. Volunteer to share their resume via social media or a good old-fashioned phone call. Just knowing that you believe in them will give them strength and maybe even a job!
Many of my friends feel awkward accepting money. If you know your friend in transition has a certain talent, offer to pay them for it. Home repairs, painting, landscaping or cleaning are a win-win for both of you. If they don't want to be paid, then take them out or give a gift card as a thank you.
Money problems create a tremendous amount of friction between couples as each has different ways of coping. Take your friend out, call or write a note to let them know that they can vent to you anytime. Don't try to fix it, just listen. Sometimes people don't want to talk about their problems, but like knowing that you're there for them.
Instead of a handout, share what you have. When filling your stockings, don't eat the extras but bag it up and give it to your friend saying, "I can't use it, please take it." This works with candy, food or clothes. Share your holiday traditions with them like caroling or looking at lights together. Offer to watch their kids so they can have some quality time. If you want to give money, consider an anonymous gift card so they don't feel indebted. Consider a no interest loan, but don't offer money unless you are OK with never seeing it repaid.
I always go back to my best advice, which is, "No matter how bad things are, they will change and you are not defined by this moment." Write this in a note or tell them in person to let them know that you believe in them and pray for a speedy resolution. I believe that Friendship, Hope, and Faith are really what this holiday season is all about.
Blessings,
Dr. Deb
