Finding Love Online: 5 Tips for Digital Dating
Sept. 8, 2009— -- For much of what people do online, instant gratification is the name of the game. When you use the Internet to search, transfer money and shop, for example, you expect quick results.
But online dating experts say that's the wrong way to approach Internet dating.
Evan Marc Katz, a dating coach and founder of online dating profile writing service E-Cyrano, said daters need to take a longer view.
He said people often sign up for a three-day trial offered by one of the many online dating services, like Match.com or eHarmony.com. But when they don't find any potential mates immediately, they give up.
"There is no single place on Earth where there are more single people looking to partner," Katz said of online dating sites, but emphasized that finding someone takes patience and real thoughtfulness.
"I think everybody needs to give this thing a little more time," Katz said. "If you're looking for a partner, wouldn't you think you should take this as seriously as a job hunt?"
The dynamics of dating online are different from those offline and, he said, it takes effort to communicate your strengths and personality in this environment.
Here are five tips for dating online.
1. Differentiate yourself with details.
The devil may be in the details, but dating experts say so is Cupid.
When writing your online profile, be as specific as possible. For starters, experts caution against using adjectives.
You may think you're describing yourself when you use words like "kind," "fun-loving" and "curious," but, Katz said, "The adjective doesn't mean anything if everyone uses it."
Instead, Katz said he encourages clients to think of stories and moments in their lives that illustrate the qualities they want to communicate.
By pushing his clients to recall the distinguishing places, gestures and actions that make a memory significant, he helps them construct profiles that help them stand out in the crowd.
"I like to travel in Europe" turns into the more interesting "I enjoy drinking sangria in Las Ramblas in Barcelona," he said, adding that people respond in higher volume and with higher-quality messages to more detailed profiles.
Katz said the differentiating technique can even be applied when choosing a user name. Don't just be a run-of-the-mill "blueeyedmary" or "bob102," he said. Think of the user name as another vehicle to show your personality, hobbies and passions, he suggested.
Scott Valdez, president and co-founder of VirtualDatingAssistants.com, a high-end service that allows male professionals to outsource online dating activities, agreed.
He said that detailed profiles that include "conversation nuggets" makes it easier for potential matches to reach out and start a conversation over e-mail.
"Really paint a picture," he said. "Help them visualize what it's like for them to be with you."
