Financial Infidelity and Its Dirty Little Purchases
Jan. 20, 2011— -- Meet the latest version of a longtime home-wrecker: It's five letters long, green and an unwelcomed third party in many relationships.
"It's a long-term affair, it's not a one-night stand," Alexis of Alexandria, Va., says, asking that her last name not be used.
It's money, with which 31 percent of Americans say they've committed financial infidelity, according to a recent online survey commissioned by ForbesWoman and the National Endowment for Financial Education.
As if that's not enough, a nationwide survey conducted by CESI Debt Solutions, a nonprofit organization dedicated to debt-free living, found that 80 percent of couples spent secret money; nearly 20 percent had a secret credit card.
Alexis is among those leading a double life by keeping purchases a dirty little secret in a marriage or relationship, which is not always a bad thing, according to at least one expert.
"Money provides a potential conflict point in a relationship," Ted Beck, president and CEO of the National Endowment for Financial Education, says."But it also can be something that draws a couple closer."
The most common forms of financial deception include hiding cash, hiding a minor purchase or lying about finances, debt or money earned, according to the survey. But there may be less need to deceive if couples are open about separate accounts.
As for Alexis, the financial infidelity has "been going on the entire time," she says of the four-year relationship with her boyfriend. "Before, there was the concept of his and her money but as the finances become more joined, and the goals become more aligned, it still hasn't stopped."
To keep her boyfriend in the dark about a love for high-quality shoes, Alexis hides the new items in the trunk of her car; slowly bringing them in when he's not around.
"My theory is once I can work them in my rotation, he'll think I had them forever," Alexis says.
Explaining the secrecy, she says, "My biggest fear is him feeling like I'm not committed to the financial goals we set as a couple. My biggest fear would be him feeling this is impeding our progress towards a joint goal; that he would be hurt."
