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\"I’m a big proponent of sharing your heart and being vulnerable. I wish I had that when I was knee-deep in postpartum depression,\" she told \"Good Morning America.\"

That depression started soon after her triplets, now three, were born. \"I wasn't myself. I saw a doctor and started taking medication,\" she said. \"I was really lonely and I felt like there was a stigma. I was embarrassed. \"I waited so long to be a mom desired it so deeply, now I had not one but three children.\"

Fortin struggled to conceive and had her triplets through IVF.

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I hated breastfeeding. There. I said it. When my triplets were born I experienced some complications and nearly lost my life. My Doctor told me I would likely not be able to breastfeed, but miraculously my body produced enough milk for all 3 babies. It was such a miracle and I was so proud of my body for functioning the way it was supposed to. I came to the NICU everyday with milk that I pumped the night before and I would take turns nursing the triplets hoping to experience “the bond” I often heard about. When we finally came home with our babies, I pumped exclusively. The triplets all had GERD, which made feedings stressful because each baby needed individual attention. And I was already so exhausted, pumping didn’t help. But I kept telling myself I needed to do this for my babies. I felt like I would be failing them (and myself) otherwise. A “friend”even told me that “formula is poison.” What a disappointment I would be if I chose to stop. The weeks continued to go by and I was in a fog. I knew I wasn’t myself. I started to despise breastfeeding and even felt jealous of my husband as he laid in bed while I stuck a machine to my boobs. There was such a tug-a-war in my heart. I felt so ashamed and embarrassed because I didn’t want to breastfeed anymore. Guilt can ruin you. When the babies were 3 months old I finally saw my Doctor to seek help for my postpartum anxiety and depression. It was one of the hardest steps, but the best thing I could have done for myself. I needed help. I was exhausted, in a depression, just not my normal self. The very first thing she suggested was to stop breastfeeding. She even wrote me a prescription that said “stop breastfeeding.” I felt like she gave me permission to stop. So I did. If you take anything from this, take this: Fed is best. Breastfed. Formula fed. It doesn’t matter. Either way, you’re an amazing mom. Surround yourself with people who will support you because you need that, especially as a Mom. Ultimately, we are all working hard to raise good humans, so let’s stand together Mama’s and support each other. ?? Tee: @themomculture Necklace: @madewithlovebyangie code: THEFORTINTRIO 10% off

A post shared by Desiree Fortin (@theperfectmom) on May 9, 2018 at 11:41am PDT

When the triplets were about a year old, she felt well enough to go off the medication. Then they turned 2.

She went back on medication and started feeling better again.

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I start therapy today. ?? My heart is beating a little faster. Im nervous to talk about my feelings and really face some of the struggles I have in my heart since Charlize’s accident. Im scared to re-live the moments when I saw my daughter drowning, fighting for her life, struggling to breathe, kicking her little feet trying so hard to come up for air. My fingers are sweating just thinking about it. ?? I have been in a battle with my mind since this happened. I know this was an accident. I know it wasn’t my fault. I know carrying the guilt will ruin me. I know replaying the moment I pulled her out of the water, holding her wet body in my arms and staring at her cold blue lips on repeat in my mind is self-torture. I know I can’t do that to myself. I also know I need professional help to help me work through these thoughts. I know it will take time and a whole lot of Jesus. ?? While I’m nervous and scared to speak out loud about my thoughts from the accident, I’m also comforted knowing that taking this step will help me in my healing. I’m hopeful that I will be able to learn more tools to help me work through my increase in anxiety and panic since this happened. And I believe getting therapy will help me walk out of this really hard life lesson so much stronger than I have ever been. This is a huge step forward in putting this accident behind me. I am proud of myself for choosing to get help because I know that I need it right now (and it’s okay). ?? This was a painfully difficult life lesson for me. I rejoice because my daughter is alive. I’m so thankful to God for His grace and mercy, for protecting my girl. And I will keep my eyes on Him as I move forward in forgiving myself, letting go of the guilt and shame, and releasing those devastating life altering moments to Him. Mother tee: @themomculture

A post shared by Desiree Fortin (@theperfectmom) on Jul 10, 2018 at 11:56am PDT

And then her daughter nearly drowned.

\"There were four adults at the pool when it happened,\" she said. \"It can happen to anyone.\"

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I recently read an article written by a brave Mama who lost her precious son to drowning just a couple weeks before Charlize’s near drowning accident. Her name is @nicolehughes8 and she is a courageous mama. The facts in her article were all the same facts I, too, discovered after Charlize’s accident. Facts that had me in tears. Facts that made me angry. Facts that I felt I should have known. Facts that are alarming to me. Facts that could have been my reality. • Drowning is the leading cause of death in ages 1-4. A child can drown in under a minute. It is incredibly quick and it is silent. • I remember at the hospital, over and over, having to tell the details of the accident. “How long was she under?” Each time, I would say, or utter really because the words were sickening coming out of my mouth. “20 seconds maybe. I’m not really sure.” To be honest I have no clue how long she was under. Long enough for her lips to turn blue. Long enough to spend the night at @radychildrens hospital because she was at risk for dry drowning. Long enough to say “My child almost drowned.” • This accident was the hardest life lesson I have experienced as a Mother. You don’t think something like this can happen to you. You take all the precautions. You’re like a hawk whenever you go anywhere with your children. You’re a good Mom. BUT Accidents happen. Tragedies happen. • My daughter is alive. I am fortunate. Other mamas, like @nicolehughes8, @audreyeatsrocks, and @morganebeck have to learn how to face the days ahead without their babies. My heart grieves with them. And while I hate that these mamas are in truly such an undeniable pain, I commend them because they are standing in strength and taking their loss and trying to reach the hearts of people to help prevent these types of accidents. I will stand with these women and do what I can to help. They are strong, they are brave, and they need our prayers. • Tune into the @todayshow today. @morganebeck and @millerbode bravely share their hearts of loss as they share their mission of water safety!!! See my stories for details!! Tee: @lovedbyhannahandeli & @themomculture

A post shared by Desiree Fortin (@theperfectmom) on Jul 30, 2018 at 11:51am PDT

The incident, she said, pushed her into an anxiety that she's been dealing with ever since.

\"We go through seasons and challenges where we don't know what to do,\" she said. \"I hope more than anything that people who do see this are truly encouraged to know they are not alone.\"

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Where do you go to hide to deep breathe before you go all monster on your kids? To inhale a sandwich or a homemade cookie so you don’t have to share? My bathroom break moments are usually always the deep breathing kind of moments. Although every now and then I just need to peacefully eat a peanut butter cup. My kids are far from perfect and they really know how to throw a good tantrum. Those moments can be incredibly overwhelming. They are a trigger for my anxiety and sometimes result in panic attacks. After going to therapy last summer, I learned a lot about myself and how to help my anxiety. Sometimes excusing myself from the chaos is the best thing for me, and for my kids. There have even been times where I have gone into our garage and screamed, sometimes cursed. Not my proudest moments, but sometimes stepping away from the chaos is the answer at that moment. I may even just need a “come to Jesus” bathroom moment so I respond in love to my kids and breathe normally. I have also learned the value of actually taking a real break. And by break I mean going to target alone, getting coffee, having some kid free time. There is no shame in taking time for yourself. I have learned that by taking care of myself and allowing myself breaks (guilt free) is healthy for me and I’m a better mom because of it. Today our morning started off bad and it just got worse after Daddy left for work. Even my “come to Jesus” moments in the bathroom weren’t helping my attitude. I have a gym membership that offers childcare so I decided to take the kids to gym. I had no plans of exercising. I spent the entire hour and a half laying on the couch in their lobby. I didn’t even feel guilty about it. I just needed a break. Be encouraged to do something for yourself. And find your hiding place to deep breathe, eat treats, and have your own “come to Jesus” moments because sometimes that’s just what is needed. After all, we are all just trying to raise good humans and sometimes that means taking a break because it helps us become a better Mom. • • • Tee: @themomculture Necklace: @madewithlovebyangie CODE: THEFORTINTRIO 10%off Letter board: @rivi.co

A post shared by Desiree Fortin (@theperfectmom) on May 25, 2018 at 7:35pm PDT

Fortin said the response to the series has been \"mostly positive. People who have been struggling are encouraged by what I'm sharing.\"

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