4:10
- family
- January 9, 2020
5 tips for co-parenting
Many divorces are messy, but one couple is changing that in a new book.
4:10
In 2010, DeBartolo married her husband, Chad, and in 2012, Heldfond married Nadia. In 2013, Heldfond and Nadia had their daughter, Izzy, and then their son, Jackson, two years later.
While many may think a situation like theirs would never work, DeBartolo and Heldfond have created a tight-knit modern family where they have dinners at least once a week, take vacations together, and even celebrate big life events.
“Our relationship today is pretty out of the box. We try to do as much as possible together,” said DeBartolo.
“We try to normalize it as much as possible,” added Heldfond.
View this post on InstagramA post shared by Our Happy Divorce (@ourhappydivorce) on Dec 19, 2019 at 1:51pm PST
To this day, both families are so close that they even live seven houses away from each other.
“Most couples don’t use other spouses in a divorce as tools,” said DeBartolo. “We treat our spouses as a second parent.”
Now, DeBartolo and Heldfond are sharing their story and some secrets to successful co-parenting in their book, “Our Happy Divorce: How Ending Our Marriage Brought Us Closer Together.”
View this post on InstagramA post shared by Our Happy Divorce (@ourhappydivorce) on Dec 21, 2019 at 10:08am PST
As for their son, Asher, putting their love for him first by devising a strategy to work things out nearly 13 years ago has strengthened their relationship as a family. Recently, DeBartolo, Heldfond and their son went on a safari -- a trip for just the three of them, something they never thought they’d be able to do.
“Asher has the best of both worlds,” said Heldfond. “He can be at my house or he can be with Nikki, but together our family, as crazy as it is -- it’s ours and it’s special.”
1. Communicate
While most divorced couples choose not to communicate, Heldfond and DeBartolo talked it out from the get-go. “We didn’t think it would be as good,” said DeBartolo. “But it took time.”
2. Be patient
“It’s going to be a fruit-salad of emotions,” said Heldfond. While he and his ex-wife are at a happy place in their separation, they say that it wasn’t always happy for both of them. Realize that it will take time before getting to that place, they said.
3. Include your kids
One of the co-parenting mistakes that Heldfond and DeBartolo say divorced couples make is that they don’t include their kids in the conversation. When they were first separated, DeBartolo and Heldfond had a morning routine where Heldfond would come home just to see their son off for school. DeBartolo said that their son just had a hunch that Heldfond wasn’t sleeping in their bed. “Talk to your kids and be honest with them,” said DeBartolo.
4. Admit to your wrongs
When DeBartolo and Heldfond met at a coffee shop that day to discuss their divorce and work things out between them, they each acknowledged their faults and made amends, truly accepting each other’s apologies. “Too many people focus on what the other person did instead of realizing that their own actions are a reason for what they did or did not do,” said DeBartolo.
5. Teamwork
If it’s one thing that both are successfully able to do while co-parenting their son, it’s working together as a team while doing it. To this day, DeBartolo and Heldfond have made each decision based on how it would affect their son. “I look at mine and Nikki’s relationship like the wheels on a car,” Heldfond explained. “If one of those wheels don’t work, then this co-parenting thing won’t work.”
","canonicalUrl":"https://abcnews.com/GMA/Family/tips-divorced-couples-guide-successful-parenting/story?id=68161912","legacySlug":"/family/story/tips-divorced-couples-guide-successful-parenting-68161912","noIndexNoFollow":false},"publishTime":"13:44","publishDate":"01-09-2020","updatedTime":"14:23","updatedDate":"01-09-2020","socialImage":{"alt":"Nikki DeBartolo and Benjamin Heldfond each pose with their blended family. Nikki and Ben are divorced and decided to put their son first by coparenting.","credit":"Joe Sale Photography","ratio":"16x9","url":"https://s.abcnews.com/images/GMA/debartolo-heldfond-family-ht-jef-200108_hpMain_16x9_1600.jpg","width":992,"height":558},"datePublished":"1/9/2020 13:44:00 GMT","video":{"live":false,"id":68161912,"headline":"5 tips for co-parenting","mediaAssetTitle":"200109_happy_divorce_bernabe","description":"Many divorces are messy, but one couple is changing that in a new book. ","duration":"4:10","posterImg":{"url":"https://s.abcnews.com/images/GMA/default-img-undefined.png","width":608,"height":342},"video":{"feed":"https://service-pkgabcnews.akamaized.net/opp/hls/abcnews/2020/01/200109_gma_divorce_840_,500,800,1200,1800,2500,3200,4500,.mp4.csmil/playlist.m3u8"},"playlist":["59378848","58252580","68165154"]},"relatedItems":[{"contentType":"story","date":"December 12, 2018","headline":"Who gets the dog in the divorce? Enter the pet prenup.","section":"living","slug":"/living/story/dog-divorce-enter-pet-prenup-59378848","id":59378848,"image":{"alt":"Who gets the dog in the divorce? Enter the pet prenup.","url":"https://s.abcnews.com/images/GMA/Pup-prenup-ht-ls-181205_hpMain_4x3t_240.jpg","credit":"Handout","ratio":"1x1"}},{"contentType":"video","date":"October 3, 2018","headline":"How Alicia Keys, Swizz Beatz and Mashonda Tifrere became successful co-parents","section":"culture","slug":"/video/58252580","id":58252580,"image":{"alt":"How Alicia Keys, Swizz Beatz and Mashonda Tifrere became successful co-parents","url":"https://s.abcnews.com/images/GMA/181003_gma_keys_interview_hpMain_1x1_240.jpg","credit":"ABCNews.com","ratio":"1x1"}},{"contentType":"video","date":"January 9, 2020","headline":"Divorced couple shares their guide to co-parenting","section":"family","slug":"/video/68165154","id":68165154,"image":{"alt":"Divorced couple shares their guide to co-parenting","url":"https://s.abcnews.com/images/GMA/200109_gma_divorce_hpMain_1x1_240.jpg","credit":"ABCNews.com","ratio":"1x1"}}],"relatedContentSection":"news","schemaContent":{"name":"5 tips for co-parenting","description":"Many divorces are messy, but one couple is changing that in a new book. ","duration":"4:10","uploadDate":"01-09-2020","publication":"01-09-2020","images":"https://s.abcnews.com/images/GMA/default-img-undefined.png","url":"https://service-pkgabcnews.akamaized.net/opp/hls/abcnews/2020/01/200109_gma_divorce_840_,500,800,1200,1800,2500,3200,4500,.mp4.csmil/playlist.m3u8","contentUrl":"https://service-pkgabcnews.akamaized.net/opp/hls/abcnews/2020/01/200109_gma_divorce_840_,500,800,1200,1800,2500,3200,4500,.mp4.csmil/playlist.m3u8","link":"https://www.goodmorningamerica.com/family/story/tips-divorced-couples-guide-successful-parenting-68161912"}},"playlist":[{"id":"134041491","contentType":"story","section":"news"},{"id":"134033809","contentType":"story","section":"news"},{"id":"78356537","contentType":"story","section":"news"},{"id":"133929295","contentType":"story","section":"news"},{"id":"133958398","contentType":"story","section":"news"},{"id":"133882828","contentType":"story","section":"news"},{"id":"133810954","contentType":"story","section":"news"},{"id":"133779647","contentType":"story","section":"news"},{"id":"133810835","contentType":"story","section":"news"},{"id":"133749799","contentType":"story","section":"news"},{"id":"133777519","contentType":"story","section":"news"},{"id":"133748258","contentType":"story","section":"news"},{"id":"133730535","contentType":"story","section":"news"},{"id":"133712423","contentType":"story","section":"news"},{"id":"133694181","contentType":"story","section":"news"},{"id":"133688738","contentType":"story","section":"news"},{"id":"133616358","contentType":"story","section":"news"},{"id":"133616342","contentType":"story","section":"news"},{"id":"133522899","contentType":"story","section":"news"},{"id":"133584123","contentType":"story","section":"news"}],"kvps":{"pgtyp":"article","lang":"en","sp":"goodmorningamerica","programmatic":"true","bundleId":"com.abcnews"}},"analytics":{"accountID":"wdgnewwdgnewgmaweb","ns":"gma","pageName":"gma:family:video","pageType":"video","globalSpecVersion":"v1.08","siteDifferentiator":"gma:site","tagID":"g_page01","userABCookie":"0","section":"family","title":"5 tips for co-parenting","pubTime":"08:44","pubDate":"01-09-2020","modTime":"09:23","modDate":"01-09-2020","taxonomyTags":"none","id":68161912,"editorialOtherSubjects":"","wordCount":"none","columns":"none","authors":"","authorsUnit":"none","authorsBureau":"none","subBrand":"Good Morning America","provider":"Good Morning America","videoName":"5 tips for co-parenting","mediaAssetTitle":"200109_happy_divorce_bernabe","videoId":68161912,"mediaOnPage":"video","legacySlug":"/family/story/tips-divorced-couples-guide-successful-parenting-68161912"},"taboola":{}},"request":{"headers":{},"httpVersion":"1.1","method":"GET","url":"/video/68161912","vary":{"host":"www.goodmorningamerica.com","cached":true,"path":"/video/68161912","forwarded-proto":"https","device":"desktop","userab":"0"}},"viewport":{"width":1260,"height":0},"user":{}};