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In addition, 30-plus people in my personal life, some of whom I had rarely spoken to, came to me with their own pregnancy loss stories. They said all of the things I so desperately needed to hear. We shared gritty, medical things. I shared \"insane\" thoughts I was having and they admitted they'd had them too. They shared their struggles. They shared how they got to the other side and assured me there was no rush to get there. They sent groceries to my house, they sent dinner for my family every night for two weeks straight, they sent flowers and then flowers again when those flowers died. They sent ice cream, cookies, and voice notes. I shudder to think what I would have done without these women.

How to cope with a pregnancy loss or help a friend who's struggling

Following my miscarriage, I scoured the internet, searching for stories of those who had been there. I felt desperate to find words of wisdom, advice, and stories of surviving what felt like such an insurmountable loss. If you've had a miscarriage, or you are currently miscarrying and stumbled upon this article searching for words from those who have been there, I want you to know this: Your loss, your grief, your pain is valid. It is OK not to be OK. And as my good friend said, \"Grief has no timeline.\" Personally, I held onto this phrase like a lifeline.

To that end, there is no right or wrong way for you to grieve or find support.

Some people may want to jump into normalcy as soon as possible, some may take months to be a semblance of their former self. Some of us will forever be changed. Whatever you do, don't feel shame over your recovery, over not feeling \"normal.\" Maybe you want to tell everyone, even though it's \"taboo.\" Let it out. F--k people who feel uncomfortable. Do not let their discomfort stop you. I guarantee that once you share your story with others, you will be shocked at how many women will respond by sharing their secret miscarriage stories. You will find a community of women who have been there, and trust me, they will carry you these next few weeks.

And if you want to keep your miscarriage private? Follow that if that's what feels good for you.

Just remember: This didn't happen because of something you did, and there was nothing you could have done to prevent it. It's understandable that you're upset. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Can someone wash your dishes? Watch your kids? Send you dinners? If people aren't offering, they likely are sitting at home feeling uncomfortable and wishing there was a way they could help. Ask and receive it.

You deserve love and help.

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