Dear 'GMA' Advice Guru: Billy Ward
Dec. 21, 2010 -- Billy Ward from Verona, NJ, is a finalist in the Dear GMA Advice Guru Contest. Read his response to a viewer-submitted question below!
Question From Meredith in N.Y.:
The holidays are an especially hectic and stressful time of year for me and my husband. I come from divorced parents, which is a balancing act year-round, and my husband lost his mother several years ago, which is always difficult around the holidays. This Christmas, on top of the usual craziness, I am pregnant and will have my paternal grandparents in town as well! How can we maximize time spent with all of our family without stressing me (and subsequently the baby)?
Billy's Answer:
Dear Meredith,
Here is my prediction… you will be an all star mommy…. how sweet that you wrote in looking for ways to keep you and your un-born baby un-stressed this holiday! You already know where the priority of the family lies, in your own heart, soul and belly! This Christmas season will always be remembered, so take lots of pictures and let's make sure that worry and stress have no place in the memories.
The problem with worry is that it CAN serve a function in our life, so it does have a small purpose. If we worry that it will rain, we can prepare to bring an umbrella outside with us. The trick is that we need to discard the worry that does not serve a function. Will divorced parents argue if they are in their grown child's home at the same time? No one could answer that, and no amount of worrying could plan for or against that circumstance. Sometimes people are on their best behavior, other times not so much. We cannot control people by worrying about them and losing sleep the night before wondering and predicting scenarios.
Another worry you may have could be about your paternal grandparents liking the way you have planned to entertain them. But remember that their own mood may play a part in that outcome, whether or not you worry about it the week before they come to town.
Dropping worry from our mind is not easy. It takes practice. Worrisome thoughts float in and we may believe they are the truth and reality. But we are not our thoughts. We can choose those thoughts we wish to give energy to and magnify.
A great line to disrupt our stressful thoughts is,
When you give up wondering what can or might happen in a future moment, we come back to living in this moment. The present.
The next part of your stress that you mentioned is helping your husband who grieves the loss of his mother. It is natural to miss a loved one during a time when relationships are celebrated at family gatherings. Definitely acknowledge this with him. It is natural and understandable that he would feel this way about his mom, and would-be grandma to your unborn baby.
You can show him that you will not forget that loving relationship with a memorable gift.
Since Christmas is a special holiday for your family, you can make your husband a tree ornament that acknowledges the two people that are with you this holiday. Neither is here to be touched, but both could be felt even if only in spirit.
This can be unforgettable Christmas for you, and your husband, your baby on the way, and all of the grandparents and great- parents who will be visiting or remembered this year.
Keep your thoughts on love and away from worry!
Billy