Are You a Stressed-Out Human? Arianna Huffington Is Telling You to Stop

July 9, 2013— -- Do you belong to the "millennial" generation? Are you stressed out of your eyeballs with your job, your embarrassing salary, school loans, choosing your Facebook profile picture, quitting red meat, quitting gluten, growing out of your friends, paying your own phone bill, diminishing ambitions, having too much ambition, getting back on gluten, getting tired from just reading this list?

Well… Arianna Huffington, Huffington Post co-founder, mother, and advocate of designated work time naps, believes you should take a step back and sleep more. Since collapsing from exhaustion in 2007, Huffington has been advising people to sleep and meditate like it were food and water.

Huffington claims that in order to maximize our … Wait, wait. What?

Sure, in an ideal world we would all be able to sleep 8 hours, take a midday nap, get all our work done, and still have time to go to yoga, make dinner (real dinner, not microwavable), and catch up on the Mad Men finale we missed because we were busy sleeping.

But the truth is: no matter how much we wish it were so, our generation (just like every generation before us) doesn't have that option -- unless you are one of the lucky few whose parents still support you (and in that case, *jealous*).

For us, sleep is a luxury. We need to work hard to get where we want, and we have to fight our own demons to keep our feet grounded in reality. We have to figure out what we're good at, and then be the best at that thing in order to gain any recognition whatsoever.

We'd probably all be better off dedicating ourselves to a profession where we're not competing with each other, but this guy already cornered that market.

Our bigger issue right now, I think, is figuring out what we're going to aspire to be when being a 40-year-old DJ doesn't look cool anymore.

So, thank you for the advice Ms. Huffington, I'll keep it in mind. I hope to someday have a quarter of the success you have had. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to go shotgun my daily 5 Hour Energy double espresso latte (with soy milk, because, duh) so I can file two more stories before my editor yells at me for being a lazy hipster again.