Allison Holker is sharing an update on what life has been like since the death of her late husband Stephen "tWitch" Boss nearly five months ago.
"It's been really hard because I can't understand what was happening in that moment [he died]," Holker said in an interview with People, published Tuesday.
Boss, a beloved hip-hop dancer known for "So You Think You Can Dance" and "The Ellen DeGeneres Show," died in December 2022 at the age of 40. The Los Angeles County Coroner determined the manner of death to be suicide.
MORE: Stephen 'tWitch' Boss, 'The Ellen DeGeneres Show' alum, dead by suicide at 40"No one had any inkling he was low," Holker said. "He didn't want people to know."
She added, "He just wanted to be everyone's Superman and protector."
Boss and Holker -- also a "SYTYCD" alum -- married in 2013 and had two children together, son Maddox Laurel, 7, and daughter Zaia, 3. Boss also adopted Holker's daughter from a previous relationship, 14-year-old Weslie, after they married.
The couple frequently shared glimpses of their life together on social media, where they would also share videos of the two of them dancing.
Since her husband's death, Holker has continued to honor his legacy.
"Stephen brought so much joy to this world and he deserves to be remembered as the beautiful man he was," she told People.
Holker established the Move with Kindness Foundation earlier this year in Boss' honor. The foundation aims to support mental health initiatives.
MORE: Jennifer Lopez, JoJo Siwa, Dwayne Johnson and more pay tribute to Stephen 'tWitch' Boss"We always hear, 'Reach out to the strongest people,' and I believe in that. But I also want the messaging to be that if you're feeling low or depressed, it's okay to lean on someone else," she said. "Trust that people are still going to see you as that light even in your darkest moments."
While life has been tough for her since her husband's death, Holker said she wants to "choose a different way for myself and the kids" instead of going into "a really dark place."
"I'm trying to teach them -- and myself -- that if you're angry or sad, it doesn't mean you're a bad person," she said. "We're coping together, and that requires trust and being really vulnerable."
If you or someone you know is in crisis, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or contact the Crisis Text Line by texting HOME to 741741. You can reach the Trans Lifeline at 877-565-8860 (U.S.) or 877-330-6366 (Canada), and The Trevor Project at 866-488-7386.