Amy Kean from New York, NY, is a finalist in the Dear GMA Advice Guru Contest. Read her response to a viewer-submitted question below!
Question from Shon in Chicago, Ill.: "I am a busy wife and mom of 5. I am constantly on the go with kids, work, activities, socials...you get my drift. I love my busy and energetic life! So it is very difficult to take "me time" without feeling guilty or getting "How could you?" looks from those in my house. What is the best way (with ideas please) to take short "me time" moments during the week so that I get enough de-stressing so I don't have to run away to Barbados (or the bathroom or my mama's house) for a week just to de-compress?"
Amy's Answer:
FIVE KIDS??!! Those two words together really make me need a nap. It's funny; before I had a baby last year, I used to be the kind of feminist know-it-all who regularly spouted off statements like, "When I become a mother, I won't let my lifestyle change one bit—why should I?—my baby's just going to have to adapt to me, not the other way around." HA! Joke's on me! In fact, as I'm typing this, my 15-month-old son is sitting next to me, playing his favorite late night game: pound on Mommy's keyboard and scream like a lunatic. He's firmly in charge now, no question.
So I get it. (OK, fine, one kid certainly isn't five. But I have an imagination.) And you're 100% right: you definitely need some "me time" if your goal is to be a sane, healthy wife and mother.
STEP ONE: Reject all guilt. I realize it's nearly impossible—especially for women—but try it anyway. See how it feels. (Men are masters at rejecting guilt; they'll happily stare at the TV while their exhausted wives vacuum around them.)
And by the way, why on earth should you feel guilty for needing time to "de-stress" anyway? Just remind yourself, and others, that precious time away from your demanding life is beneficial to your parental performance. You certainly can't be a relaxed, focused mother if you're a stressed-out, resentful mess. So in reality, regular "me time" away from your brood, is actually a loving gift to them. Trust me.
STEP TWO: The tricky part—finding time in your packed schedule. So here's where your trusty husband steps in. Assuming he works fairly traditional hours, isn't there any time, before or after work, when he could watch the children? Even thirty minutes, a couple of times per week would do the trick. How to make the most of that limited "me time"?
I suggest a quick burst of exercise: running, yoga, swimming, bicycling—whatever. It'll clear your head instantly and leave you more relaxed, refreshed and in control. (I regularly leave my husband in charge to take a quick, brisk walk around my New York City neighborhood, just to remember how it feels to roam free, without a baby carriage to push.)
But of course, you should do whatever you enjoy with your "me time": get your nails done, chat with a single friend about her wild love life, shop for a lacy new bra, read a trashy gossip magazine, paint, draw, buy a handful of overpriced chocolates and eat them immediately, or just take over the TV room to catch up on your favorite reality show—with a big homemade "DO NOT DISTURB MOMMY'S ME TIME!" sign on the door. No apologies. After five kids, you've earned it.