Elisabeth Salazar from Santa Fe, NM, is a finalist in the Dear GMA Advice Guru Contest. Read her response to a viewer-submitted question below!
Question from Maria in Los Alamos, N.M.: "My son, age 19, has dropped out of college, given away his bed, books, everything, and is living out of his car. He plans to start a company and become a millionaire. I have discussed with him at length the unlikelihood of his business staying solvent, the importance of getting your education first. He says he hears me and will take his own path. He is broke but has not asked for money. What can I do besides being a loving mother and listening to his concerns?"
Elisabeth's Answer:
You're already doing the right thing by showing your love and support. Given the culture and reputation that Los Alamos County exhibits with a nationally ranked high school with graduation rates as high as 99 percent, and which has the highest concentration of PhD's per capita in the United States; the children of Los Alamos are almost expected to excel because of the sense of hard work bred into this community. Therefore, it is important for you to understand what your son really THINKS is or was expected of him. Perhaps, he is rebelling because of this very expectation?
If this decision to toss everything aside is completely out of character for your son and you've noticed a dramatic change in his behavior, then a psychological consult is in order to determine any underlying issues that may be influencing his decision. For example, is he experiencing depression? Further, you didn't mention the presence of a father. This may or may not be an issue. Either way, he should be evaluated. If everything is satisfactory, then you can proceed and begin to work with him on his needs and expectations.
If you have a good communicative relationship with your son, you may want to address the following questions: Is there somebody influencing your decision? Do you feel you were pushed too hard? Did I give you an opportunity to discuss your dreams and desires with me before you went off to college? Did I give you enough autonomy to make critical decisions about your life? What can I do now to help you succeed with your quest to become a millionaire?
You can show support for your son by recognizing his need for independence and respecting his position as an adult. Then, you can offer to help him develop a business plan that gives specific details about his true passion. This will validate his self-worth and show that you are trying to encourage his true potential in his quest to follow his dreams. It will also present the necessary skills and resources needed to start up and maintain a successful business, which he may or may not possess. I must stress the importance of literally writing down his business plan as opposed to verbally throwing around ideas. It has been my experience that the actual process of writing a business plan gives a person the true sense of what it takes to accomplish his endeavor.
He should begin to feel the tremendous task he is about to embark on. Perhaps, then he will begin to realize how important education is. Begin now to compromise with him about his plans. For example, you can ask him to move back home and you will provide him with a particular element of his business plan and move forward from there. Begin with small steps and build up slowly as he feels comfortable. Acknowledge his thoughts and feelings and allow him his space. Please, don't do this alone; seek help with a life coach."