Elisabeth Salazar from Santa Fe, NM, is a finalist in the Dear GMA Advice Guru Contest. Read her response to a viewer-submitted question below!
Question from Jill in Orange Park, FL: "Our son is a freshman in college. Our (his and our) plan was always to finish college first, and then join the military. However, he now wants to enlist and finish college while in the military, at a later date. We feel he is restless and somewhat "bored". Please help; we feel very strongly that he should finish school first."
Elisabeth's Answer: According to Collegescholarships.org, one in four freshmen students annually dropout after their first year in college. Some studies would suggest it is much higher (probably as high as 50 percemt in some institutions).
College freshmen face a difficult challenge with transitioning into college and adulthood. There are a variety of reasons researchers say that these students fail. They include lack of intellect, motivation, maturity, support, and commitment, to name a few. Many students are not prepared for the rigors of college life. A rise in financial pressures, distracting interpersonal issues, a lack of life preparation and poor study skills create an environment of distraction that leads to students falling behind and failing. Once a student feels overwhelmed, the likelihood of dropping out increases.
College success is not only dependent on academic skills, but also on a combination of time management, life skills, navigating social pressures, and coping with anxiety. You suggested that your son may be restless and bored. He may be, but there may be other underlying issues he has not shared with you. You also indicated that it was a collective decision that your son completes college before joining the military. Perhaps, your son was not entirely committed to that decision when it was made and agreed at the time for fear of repercussions or just plain indecisiveness. I would suggest that you talk with your son about some of these issues and ask him what his goals are. If you find this difficult, a career counselor can assist in the process.
If he wants to join the military, ask him what it is about the military that draws him to join? What does he expect to accomplish by joining? He may have always had a deep desire to be in the military, but it may have conflicted with your strong desire that he go to college and out of respect he chose to attend college.
In any case, it is best to get to the core of your son's true passion for life. Define what his expectations are. Clear expectations lead to strong feelings of dedication, care, support, desire, and personal commitment. Your perceptions and his perceptions of what he should do in life may not be as you anticipated. We would all like our children to be rocket scientists, but ultimately it is not we who will be living that life. Therefore, it is important that your son feel comfortable and happy with his choices, but also be well informed of the consequences of his decisions. Do not be afraid to seek help with a career counselor and get clear information from the military recruiter about what is expected of your son and how college plays a role in the military. Having a clear understanding for all of you will only help in making an informed decision. Understanding how to foster the development of self-efficacy can only lead to a more productive and happy life.