Amy Kean from New York, NY, is a finalist in the Dear GMA Advice Guru Contest. Read her response to a viewer-submitted question below!
Question from Jill in Orange Park, FL: "Our son is a freshman in college. Our (his and our) plan was always to finish college first, and then join the military. However, he now wants to enlist and finish college while in the military, at a later date. We feel he is restless and somewhat "bored". Please help; we feel very strongly that he should finish school first."
Amy's Answer:
You're the mother; so remember that your number one role -- and responsibility -- is to guide your son in the right direction. He needs you. Naturally, he won't always be thrilled with your "guidance" or opinions, but so what? Truth is, a certain amount of arguing and door slamming is part of good parenting. So don't worry that, by trying to dissuade him from dropping out, he'll end up hating you. I promise you; he won't, not forever.
But what's the "right" direction for your son, right now?
OK, let's consider the facts. Your college freshman son seems "restless" and "bored" in school. That's not too shocking. Many, perhaps even most, college freshman feel uninspired, unfocused, and yes, downright "restless" and "bored." That's just part of being a freshman, part of being eighteen. It doesn't necessarily mean your son should suddenly scrap his original plan and enlist. That's too hasty. And completing his college degree "at a later date" is easier said than done.
Maybe your son just isn't enjoying what he's studying at the moment. Maybe he needs to redesign his course of study to better meet his interests, his passions. Or maybe he isn't happy socially just yet. College can be a pretty tough adjustment for lots of kids, and sometimes it takes a while to find the right niche. How about transferring to another college altogether? (I know several people who decided to transfer from their original schools; they all thrived.) Have you discussed that option? You should.
Another fact: your son is determined, now or later, to join the military. OK, that's certainly a noble goal. I'm impressed. (But to be completely honest, I know very little about military life. In fact, everything I know I've pieced together from, "An Officer and a Gentleman," "Private Benjamin" and "Stripes." Forgive me.) But I do know that any solid career -- including a military one -- would surely benefit from a college diploma.
Bottom line: I'm not convinced that any 18-year-old is mature enough to make such a serious decision about his future -- on his own. (When I was a college freshman, my long-term goal was to become an artist, and live in beautiful Paris. But I ended up an advice columnist and TV reporter, living in gritty New York City.) "Plans" change. I'm not implying that the military is just a passing phase. But I am saying, what's the rush? You need to stand up and be a vocal parent here. Don't hold back! You're 100 percent right: your son SHOULD finish college first. So encourage him to show some military-style endurance and stick to the original plan for (at least) one more year. See what happens. If after graduation, he enlists, great. That was the plan.
As a mother myself, I'm guessing you have some mixed-feelings about your son's desire to join the military. That's expected. Just try to guide, support and love him -- always. That's the best we can do.