Scott Nimmer from Liberty Township, Ohio, is a finalist in the Dear GMA Advice Guru Contest. Read his response to a viewer-submitted question below!
Question from Hugh in Connecticut: This year, my school suffered the tragic loss of a classmate of mine. Four weeks into the school year, he took his own life. I was a new student, and the majority of students were not. For them, it was a much greater loss due to their closer relationships with the boy. As somewhat of an outsider, it puts you in an odd situation. You don't feel the same loss as they do, yet the atmosphere is that of devastation and grievance. What should I do?
Scott's Answer:
Hugh, although you may not have been close the student, you should grieve in your own way. Death is a sad circumstance whether you are close to the person or not. My advice is to not feign grief you do not feel; once again, grieve in your own way. Support other students in their grief but do not try to immerse yourself deeper into the situation than you or the other students would be comfortable with.
Death is always hard and it does not need to be complicated by peer pressure or a deeper need to fit in. Be cognizant of the other students' feelings and respect their grieving process as to not interfere with it. As you already made note of, you were not as close to this student, but you were a part of his greater school family, so you have the right to grieve his loss. The most important thing to remember is to be yourself; grieve in a manner you are comfortable with, do make an attempt to be something you are not or someone you are not.
This next part may seem crass, but remember this is a school situation and it will not last long. As someone who has been in a school for a similar situation I can tell you students do not spend a lot of time dwelling on death and it will soon be a distant memory for most. The feelings of loss for the student body will pass in a very short amount of time and you will all be back to dealing with the day to day life of being a student, which in itself is hard enough to do most of the time.