Billy Ward from Verona, NJ, is a finalist in the Dear GMA Advice Guru Contest. Read his application below!
Essay I have been preparing for this opportunity at Good Morning America for my entire adult life. I am a licensed psychotherapist and a certified life coach in Verona, NJ. I work with couples and individuals to help them to become more aware of their true potential and act on it. I was born to listen, and born to help. I love being with people and having the opportunity to hear their stories. I began to study psychology in 1993 at Georgetown University. This degree helped me to empower the football team as the captain and quarterback. I left college knowing in my heart that I was going to be a professional football player. I was disciplined and quick to make the right choices that lead to a positive outcome. I spent the summer playing for the Baltimore Ravens. At the end of the training camp, I was let go with a dozen others, and learned a valuable lesson. If I could not deal with my disappointment, how did I ever think that I could be a psychotherapist who could help others to cope with pain, loss or suffering? Life is about navigating through situations that can be confusing or stressful, and redefining them as opportunities for growth. I know how to empower my clients when they are "stuck" and need to cope with a circumstance in which they need a new approach to gain perspective and move forward. I know that I could help viewers to overcome any situation that creates stress. My approach is loving and positive. I believe that in every relationship and every experience, we have the opportunity to both give and receive love. This is our choice. In April, my wife and I are expecting our first baby. I am ready for GMA and fatherhood!
What's the best advice you have ever given? What was the result?
Keep your actions rooted in love. So many people choose their actions based on fear. We don't say what we mean when we are fearful. We are open and honest when we believe in and love our relationships, our career and ourselves. The person who cut you off on the highway might almost miss their exit to their new oncology doctor. Parents yell when meaning to say, "I'm scared you may get hurt and that would make me sad." We push our spouse away instead of asking for them to be more present in our life. The result of that advice is the question, "Won't people take advantage of my loving way?" If we are surrounded by all malicious people, this may indeed happen. But if we choose to associate with reasonable and mostly decent people, they will respect your loving attitude, and find it refreshing and mutually beneficial.
What would you tell this person: "Whenever there is an issue between my mother-in-law and me, my husband refuses to stand up for me. How do I get him to value our relationship more than the one with his mother?
Your husband has enough love to go around. If his mother is in your life, this means that he has a relationship with his mother too. This is a good thing. Many families suffer from cutoff and hostility that leads to lack of relationships. You have a chance here to make the relationship work for all three of you. If your husband goes easy on his mom, chances are he is an easy going person. It would be uncharacteristic to marry someone who is easygoing to you, but a real tough guy and stickler to everyone else in his life. I would encourage you to love your mother-in-law without judgment or expectations while recognizing the significance of this relationship for your husband. If you can try to improve your relationship with your mother-in-law, I am positive that you will feel more valued by your husband.
What would you tell this person: "While cleaning my son's room, I accidentally saw on his Facebook page threatening remarks from his friends. I fear he's being bullied. What should I do?"
It must be hard for a parent to find threatening remarks made to your own son. I would encourage you to sit with him and explain that you saw his Facebook page by mistake while cleaning his room. He should know that he has space and privacy that is respected. Talk to your child openly about bullying. Explain to him that it is weakness disguised as strength. No one should have to deal with such behavior alone. Tell him that you would like to know if he ever feels uncomfortable or if he feels like he is being bullied. Be comfortable with a silent moment in conversation, ask open ended questions, and listen without judgment. Show them empathy by validating feelings. Talking in the car is great because kids do not have to look you in the eye if the topic of conversation is tough or uncomfortable for them.
What would you tell this person: "My boss keeps taking credit for my ideas. What should I do?"
Go to your boss and be kindly assertive. Many workers believe that confrontation is an aggressive word. Confrontation can be an assertive word. A passive worker never speaks out and then they become burnt out and frustrated. If your intentions are rooted in love, your boss cannot take your statement the wrong way. Mature communication is a great strength of great employee. The relationship between a worker and a boss is a two-way street. Every boss relies on their employees to be productive and add to the team. Unless the boss is Michael Scott from "The Office" they should be mature enough to recognize that not all good ideas they have heard have stemmed from their own creation.
Submissions have been edited for length, style and clarity.